HURT

What's hurting you is hurting me too. And my heart can't take it when I am the one whom putting you in pain. When I saw those scars, those marks I feel bad on my own. Why should I hurt the one I love the most. 

I really doesn't mean to do that. It's just the anger build from inside. Even I don't realize it WHEN, WHAT, WHY, WHO & HOW that can be happening. Perhaps I just get to emotional with my feelings. The fears of being alone, the fears of being forgotten and the fears of sharing you with others. 

I am letting you go, I just cannot think wisely, cannot think properly. It's just me is not me at all. When I am putting myself in your place I felt sorry for you. But, every-time, every-now-and-then I keep repeating the same mistakes, the same things that I really shouldn't do at the first place. 

"I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do, 

And I've hurt myself by hurting you..."

The End...

When Apology Means Nothing

Why do people keep apologizing? Because they know they are doing wrong. BUT, to repeat the same mistakes is your choice whether you want to keep doing the same mistakes or not.

When you are there, you want to be here...
When you are here, you want more...
You asking for more money...
What are there for you before, seems not enough...
And demons are clapping their hands because they succesfully build the feeling of GREEDINESS & UNGRATEFUL.

When you are there, you always spend your time with me...
That time you treat me well like you wont see me again...
When you are here, you started to take me easy...
This time you treat me like everyday you will see me...

Sometimes you aware about your mistakes, but only sorry seems to be play through out your lips...
You start to abandon me, And you know NOTHING except SORRY.

Dear you,
I have feelings too. I have needs of belonging. I have needs to be needed. It's the time when I feel like I am giving up. When your sorry words, means nothing to me. When tge words sorry is just like a song lyric to me.

If SORRY was the lyric, I would happily dancing and move away from you.

Our Wedding Preparation's weeeee love it :)

As my previous posts AS I asked him save the money, he successfully bought me a RING and then, on a very surprisingly day, we tied the engagement note. I am proudly saying I am so lucky to have him. He does complete me, I guess lah.hehehe :P

The crazy us. cissss...hahaha

Truly, people said when in this engagement period there's a lot of problem will appear. Not just in your relationship, but the problem also bother your daily life. Believe me. Malay people said, "darah manis". Actually, "darah manis" is a term or proverbs for the bride-to-be, as the problems or any other disasters would likely to be happen in this phrases, engagement phrases. I don't know why it's called like this, or I help to translate in English for the foreign country's readers IT IS LIKE sweetened blood. From my understanding which is totally ridiculous, on why this PROBLEM and SWEETENED BLOOD is related, because when you blood taste sweet you will attract the mosquitoes. So when the mosquitoes come, you'll get diseases brought over by them eg : dengue or malaria. And, more problem to arise, when you need money to cure the diseases. It's all this sweetened blood FAULT. ahaha. Or maybe this "darah manis", will attract the vampire to suck your blood. It's sure a big problem, some more if the vampire is not handsome as Edward Cullen. hahaha. 

For me, in this phrase...we always get fighting with each other. You will always felt that you are not for each other. And, even worse for me, I met with an accident. Yes, a car hit me on last 05/09/14. 

My poor bike, now at the workshop already. My poor leg, bruises all over. 

On MC for a week. 

There's a lot of us whose really excited for our wedding, and one of them is my future-mother-in-law. She's a nice lady. Well, the reason I'm saying this is not because she'll be my future mother, but she's really nice. She even took care of me in my accident recovering period. She called my fiance to bring me at this Rins Suzana Bridal House. We arrived there at 4.30pm, but she was already there from 2pm! See, now you get what I mean that she's really nice, because she's really concern about his son wedding, I meant OUR ;)

My crazy fiance with his attempt outfit.

2nd pose. Which is more poyo!

You must wondering where's my picture, right? Keep on dreaming fellas. hahaha. I was so busy testing my outfit, and this fiance don't even bother to take my pictures. urghhhhh... I am so disappointed. Only my future-mother-in-law does take some pictures of mine for her referral. Nevermind, we kept it as a BIG SUPRISE okay ;P  You'll have to wait to our wedding. InsyaAllah, the wedding invitation will be coming soon.

Me, at Rins Suzana. I love the words on this prop. 

CONGRATULATIONS! you've got proposed! hahaha...

Okay then... See you again when I do have any interesting stories to be share. Oh ya, maybe on why to keep the Halal relationships is quiet tough, will faced a lots of hustles and bristles...

XOXO !!! I love you, AZ.

AZ 27th Birthday Suprise

Baby 27th Birthday's @ Bubba Gump Pyramid

His 27 birthday apparently fall on 24th of July 2014, for our first time celebration together as a lovely couple. errrrr...lovely ke? I was planning to celebrate on the 25th of July as it fall nicely on Friday so, we can have a dinner together and have a whole night date as we're Muslim was fasting in Ramadhan so only can eat after 7.30pm onward. As both of us is a shrimp lover, I decided to go to Bubba Gump Sunway Pyramid.

 And I was planning this dinner for a week to make sure it will go on smoothly and with the help from Ms Sumitra Karimuthu, their Marcom Manager on making the reservation as I accidentally bumped into e-mailing her ( NOT BLACKMAILING HER ). Thanks a lot Ms Sumitra :)

We arrived around 7.15pm. And here's the boss. :P hahaha. He's seem weird when I lead him to Bubba Gump as I told him we would have dinner somewhere else before that. 1st SURPRISE success-!

While waiting for the dinner, we of course doing our usual activities which was   ( cam-whoring-!) hahaha. 

The ambiance is so cool and you'll feel like you are at home because their staff is so so so friendly and I totally immersed by their services and the ambiance. 

The foods there is AWESOME-! 

We have this one called Bubba's After The Storm "Bucket of Boat Trash". The fish fillet and the fried shrimp is really good. We won't get tired of munching this two thing.

I ordered this "I'm Stuffed!" Shrimp. the best thing about this is, the crab meat is really tasty. And the rice is best to restore back our energy after a day of fasting. Yes, we do share the foods, as the portion is quit big.

And he has ordered Crazy Cajun Chicken. The mashed potatoes and their fries is totally marvelous. I love it also.

The peak of the surprise after all the surprises is the cake. I secretly went to one of the staff and ordered Chocolate Dream-Cake with Vanilla Ice-Cream. And they do ask me is it for birthday, and they say they will sent the cake once both of us finish the meals. So, they come after a while we finish our dinner with candle and song. They even ask my boyfriend to stand on the chair in the middle of the restaurant and ask my boyfriend to give a short speech. He's really shocked so he just say he love me, and went speechless after the they sing the song. hahaha... me, also didn't expect that the celebration would be that surprising. This the face of speechless PERSON. 2nd SURPRISE success-!

The birthday present for this birthday baby. hahaha.

A lot of "KISSES" from me to you. I am sure you wont get tired of the kisses ;P

3rd SURPRISE also success-! 

                

Anyway, on 29th of July 2014, alhamdullilah we are officially called  mr. fiancé & ms. fiancéé and were looking to be future husband and wife. Do du'a the best for us.

Thanks all for viewing. Do pray for us. I love you, XOXO-!!!

Happy Me

I started my 25th moments yesterday with a song sing by unauthorized singer at all, Mr AZ. This CRAZY OLD MAN really put an effort to make sure he's the one to wish for me. Well, what else I can say... "speecless" even though I re-act like euwwww... 

Dear Allah, Thanks for the chances You are giving me. As the automatically added one number to my age, I hope it will adding a million numbers of my faithful to my entire life. I am not regret of being old, as I know 25 isn't too old, but for certain people, they are really exaggerate about this age issue. 

Being old for me is being more closer to death. No one can escape from it. It's not a promise that you have to be old to meet the death, so... being able to enjoy your birthday is actually a bonus for a day as you are not die yet. Make sense huh. It's Allah whose determine it all. As His humble and try-to-be obedient "slave" , I 'll take this birthday date as the day for me to try to obey His order as much as I can. Who know when we will die right?

Honestly, I really felt being love on my birthday. hahaha... On my facebook's timeline full with the wishes all-day long. Long time friends that we haven't contacting each other also showed up on the timeline <3 it makes all the memories rolling in back in my mind. AHHHHH, I miss all of you.

Dear AZ, 

Hey, I am turning 25 already. I am not getting younger you know. Please start saving your money and buy me a ring. hehehe... I don't want a ring with a big-shiny diamond on it, I just want a simple one as long I know you will be there beside me forever, either I am 25 or 52. So, then you can help me gaining more pahala BY being an obedient wife-of-yours in the later :)

9/7/89-9/7/14

Love XOXO -!!!

Porcelain Vase

Why am I said that me myself a porcelain vase... 

Because , porcelain vase is so pretty to see, too flawless to touch but very fragile. No, I am not saying I am pretty as porcelain vase, but my heart do fragile like it.I am trying hard everyday to present myself to others people as cheerful as I can, but deep inside it was me have to bear everything.

A porcelain vase...once broken, it's no other way to put it back as the original appearances. Perhaps the touch won't be so smooth as it used to be...The beauty, would be the same even you glued the broken parts together again. Just like my heart, OUR heart. The scar would be forever. 

People say, why keep reminding the past when the future might bright ahead in front of us? It wasn't my wanted to stuck behind the past, it was the scar that make me so fearful to face what come ahead. I don't want the same things that causes the scars, make the existing scar hurt even more harder than before. Am I too judgmental against YOU?

It's not me whose choose to be a negative person... I always trying to be positive as much as I can. But with you, when all my side the bad one and the good one became visible to you, I am becoming that way. I am afraid you'll hate me for my negativeness, too afraid that one day you might don't see any good seeds in me anymore as all the way you only talked about my negativeness. You must know, when you someone that all positive in front of you, that because you don't them yet. There's still a barrier between you and their attitude before they show off. But, you have been with me all the time. All this things you can see clearly already. 

Dear you, dear you the one that I love beside my family... I hope you would understand me. A porcelain vase, was fragile some more it used to be broken before. I don't ask you to carry it over your head all the time, I don't ask you look at it over the time... I am just asking you to take care of it, as it might be broke if you let it go from your grasp. If you think you couldn't hold on onto it anymore, just place it on somewhere you think it was safe...and I am willingly to take care of the porcelain vase by myself. 

A note to YOU;

It's my mistakes. All this time, it was me who caused all the trouble. You are perfect enough. I am a PORCELAIN VASE.

I love you, XOXO-!

The Return Of Superman ;)

Hi all, 

After all, this entry is just randomly about a Korean's Drama Live Series and a tribute to all father from all over the world. This weekend is a world Father's Day Celebration afterall. So memang kene sgt la entry kali ni... The Return Of Superman.. 

Memang kalau hari Ahad tu kalau ta buat apa-apa or ta g mane-mane..memang duk bertapa la aku depan televisyen tu. From my point of view la, this type of drama is really nice and very good as drama ni is all about family bonding and how the father try to develop relationship (a close one) with their sons/daughter. Kita pun taw kan, mostly kalau babies memang akan likely more close with the mother. Mane ta nye, semua bende mak yang akan handle. Bapaknye mostly la, jarang yang menolong para isteri. Kejap2 "sayang , mana stokin abang?", "sayang, anak da makan?", "sayang, anak da tidur?"...urghhh, cube kalau tukar " sayang,harini biar abang suapkan anak makan.." "sayang, biar harini abang masakkan...". PERGHHH, heaven aku rase. So, cerita ni die bagi rest for 48hours to the isteri and let the father handle the child. DAMN-! aku pun nak cenggitu.

Introducing : The Families. ehe :)

Aku ni plak memang suke amat ngan baby. Comel-! Geram-! so, kenalkan anak-anak dalam families tu from the right ; Junseo and Juno brother, Lee-Seojun and Lee Seoun brother (twin that really torturing their father 48 hours..haha) , Haru daughter of Tablo ( a Korean's rapper) and last one is Sarang the daughter of Choo Sung Hoon ( peninju Korea ).

SARANG <3

• Sangat suke makan anggur and makan makan-! No Problem.

• Sangat suke Mickey Mouse, Miney Mouse, Thinkerbell and Pororo.

• Anak kepada seorang fighter di Korea. Tapi bile ngan anak die, fuhhhh manja sweet gile. Cair I ibarat salji-salji di sana pada musim panas. hahaha

• Tapi bile ngan anak die, fuhhhh manja sweet gile. Cair I ibarat salji-salji di sana pada musim panas. hahaha

• Sangat clingy kat father die. Maybe sebab to objektif yang nak ditonjolkan dalam drama ni. 

• Sangat fashionable. Just like his father, oh ya, by the way her mother was a model in Japan. So you know where she got the talent kennnn.

• Sarang's daddy bring her to cut the hair :)

• Sarang yang pandai amek hati orang dengan kaletah nye yang bersahaja.

Habis da pasal sarang. oh ya, sarang dalam Korean is LOVE. each time the we called her Sarang that's mean we say sayang... in Malay la. (nak jugak-! sweet)

HARU  the mermaid girl ( she love all kind of fish )

• Very clever girl, for example in first episode citer ni die teman ayah shaving misai...bese la lelaki malas nak turn off turn on the water tap kan...Haru ni tolong tutup kan each time ayah die kemalasan.

• Ni pic time baby.

• Ni Haru , is currently 4 years old.

• Mother, is an actress and father is a musician.

• Admiring uncle G-Dragon. kelasss kennn... die malu-malu sikit jumpe G-Dragon.

• Seorang peminat ikan-! kat rumah die ade satu bilik permainan penuh ngn fish. every morning die bangun pagi , die akan say hello to the friends first. hehehe.comel.

People say, kemana tumpahnya kuah kalau ta ke nasi... ceh, rase cam tengah tulis esei untuk SPM pulak. siap de peribahasa. layak dapat A1 untuk bahasa Malaysia oke. memang dapat oke. hahaha...eh, jauh melencong plak. Haru kini telah menunjukkan sedikit minat bakal menjadi seorang musician. Contohnye dalam satu episod tu, die nak violin die sendiri and ayah die pun da terbitkan satu lagu yang de suara Haru :) senang nye jd anak artissss. 

Lee Seo-eun and Lee Seo-jun the super cute TWIN

• time ni daddy ngan seo-eun ngn seo-jun yang da besar sikit, baru daddy leyh senyum.

• check-itttt out time daddy tengah serabai, and bile twin meragam without mummy at home. hahaha...kesian doe.

Lee Hwi Jae the father, ni sgt la sweet. masa die jage bebudak ni...dia sentiasa ingat kat siteri dia. ada dlm satu episode tu die wat cm buku skrap la yang tulis pasal xtiviti die ngn the twin untuk isteri die bace after she coming home from that 48hours. sgt romantik okeh. sbb die ta nak isteri die ketinggalan moment2 special tu. what a very thoughful husband eh.

• dua baby? baseball? no hal lah...oh ya, daddy suke sports. SEXY.

• Lee Seo-eun,big brother susah nak ngn org. asek nak daddy :) 

• Lee Seo-jun, senang bawak diri punye. hahaha.

• bila daddy da penat. hahaha..daddy selalu ckp2 ngn anak-anak die.      

                          

• first walking step by Lee Seo-eun. punya la happy kan mak ngan ayah die. opkos ler.hehehe...

The twin ni memang sgt la mencabar ayah die. tapi aku memang salute la...how he manage to get both showered, bot well feed, both sleeping soundly and both to not crying. dan dia still boleyh bawak due-due g jalan-jalan ALONE-! repeat sekali lagi ALONE. one word : AWESOME DADDY-! instead a romantic husband la. (ada PACKAGE cmni lg ta? nak booking.)

Jang Junu and Jang Junseo abang and adik yang NICE

• si abang Jang Junu sangat adorable yang pergi mane-mane pun mesti orang suke. Perfect la orang kate. Always dapat high score kat sekolah, well-mannered, good-looking and etc. si adik, Jang Junseo agak rebellious, manja and always get jealous ( bese la adik-adik kan).

• Ayah Jang Hyun Sung adalah seorang pelakon disana. Sangat sporting habis ngan anak2 dia. cam kawan wei. Sampai wife die kate, if die boleyh re-born die nak jadi anak kepada Jang Hyun Sung ni. punye sporting habis. die taw camane nak handle anak die. TERBOIK!

• siap ajar cmane nak minum. Korean tradition memang kene ajar how to "drink" with mannered. Tapi, Junu minum orange juice...Junseo minum yogurt drink time ni. So, still ayah yang baek oke.

• Oke, one more fact. Haru suke Junu oppa. auwwww. sweet. First love. Junu pun cam kate Haru tomeyyyyy. comeyyyy sgt.

                                    

                                    

• Ayah-ayah set a deal. hahaha...RESERVED.

• Junseo susah sikit nak mendekati mane-mane girls... sangat berbeza. kalau abng die Price Charming, die Prince Frog la...haaaa, gitu.

• Potong rambut nampak smart sikit. ak pun perasan Korean child and Chinese children are mostly will cut the hair just same, with the fringe covered their forehead. I also don't know why....wondering...

Link to watch @ Youtube  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veFdtxdsEG0

Finally habis la entry pasal The Return Of Superman ni. Entry paling panjang dalam blog ni. Kalau u'oll rase nak tengok tengok la kat KBS World channel 392 every Sunday 3.40pm. :) marilah kita menghargai jasa-jasa bapa kite. eh, elok pulak weekend ni kan Father's Day. So. let's say this entry is a contribution to all the father in the world. En Zakaria, anda superman saya sampai bila-bila. 

I love You, ayah. No one can replace you.

XOXO :)