HURT

What's hurting you is hurting me too. And my heart can't take it when I am the one whom putting you in pain. When I saw those scars, those marks I feel bad on my own. Why should I hurt the one I love the most. 

I really doesn't mean to do that. It's just the anger build from inside. Even I don't realize it WHEN, WHAT, WHY, WHO & HOW that can be happening. Perhaps I just get to emotional with my feelings. The fears of being alone, the fears of being forgotten and the fears of sharing you with others. 

I am letting you go, I just cannot think wisely, cannot think properly. It's just me is not me at all. When I am putting myself in your place I felt sorry for you. But, every-time, every-now-and-then I keep repeating the same mistakes, the same things that I really shouldn't do at the first place. 

"I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do, 

And I've hurt myself by hurting you..."

The End...

When Apology Means Nothing

Why do people keep apologizing? Because they know they are doing wrong. BUT, to repeat the same mistakes is your choice whether you want to keep doing the same mistakes or not.

When you are there, you want to be here...
When you are here, you want more...
You asking for more money...
What are there for you before, seems not enough...
And demons are clapping their hands because they succesfully build the feeling of GREEDINESS & UNGRATEFUL.

When you are there, you always spend your time with me...
That time you treat me well like you wont see me again...
When you are here, you started to take me easy...
This time you treat me like everyday you will see me...

Sometimes you aware about your mistakes, but only sorry seems to be play through out your lips...
You start to abandon me, And you know NOTHING except SORRY.

Dear you,
I have feelings too. I have needs of belonging. I have needs to be needed. It's the time when I feel like I am giving up. When your sorry words, means nothing to me. When tge words sorry is just like a song lyric to me.

If SORRY was the lyric, I would happily dancing and move away from you.

Porcelain Vase

Why am I said that me myself a porcelain vase... 

Because , porcelain vase is so pretty to see, too flawless to touch but very fragile. No, I am not saying I am pretty as porcelain vase, but my heart do fragile like it.I am trying hard everyday to present myself to others people as cheerful as I can, but deep inside it was me have to bear everything.

A porcelain vase...once broken, it's no other way to put it back as the original appearances. Perhaps the touch won't be so smooth as it used to be...The beauty, would be the same even you glued the broken parts together again. Just like my heart, OUR heart. The scar would be forever. 

People say, why keep reminding the past when the future might bright ahead in front of us? It wasn't my wanted to stuck behind the past, it was the scar that make me so fearful to face what come ahead. I don't want the same things that causes the scars, make the existing scar hurt even more harder than before. Am I too judgmental against YOU?

It's not me whose choose to be a negative person... I always trying to be positive as much as I can. But with you, when all my side the bad one and the good one became visible to you, I am becoming that way. I am afraid you'll hate me for my negativeness, too afraid that one day you might don't see any good seeds in me anymore as all the way you only talked about my negativeness. You must know, when you someone that all positive in front of you, that because you don't them yet. There's still a barrier between you and their attitude before they show off. But, you have been with me all the time. All this things you can see clearly already. 

Dear you, dear you the one that I love beside my family... I hope you would understand me. A porcelain vase, was fragile some more it used to be broken before. I don't ask you to carry it over your head all the time, I don't ask you look at it over the time... I am just asking you to take care of it, as it might be broke if you let it go from your grasp. If you think you couldn't hold on onto it anymore, just place it on somewhere you think it was safe...and I am willingly to take care of the porcelain vase by myself. 

A note to YOU;

It's my mistakes. All this time, it was me who caused all the trouble. You are perfect enough. I am a PORCELAIN VASE.

I love you, XOXO-!